We wait in JFK Airport for our plane to Amsterdam to depart.


Dec 27, 1997
Today's Events:
Got up at 10:30am; awoke to snow at my best friend, Erin's house. Rode to train station in Princeton, NJ and took a train to Manhattan, then to Jamaica, Queens then took shuttle to the airport. Waited and waited and flew out at about 6:50pm.

Today's Reflections:
8:30pm. This is a time of firsts! My first flight and first time over seas and my first all the things that come along with those. I'm very excited and very pleased. I had planned this thing perfectly. I took the train into New York and found the second train with no problem, no waiting. After the second train, I thought I may have some problems. I was waiting for a bus. Many stopped but none were right. It seemed my luck had run out. I was stuck in Queens, NY. The shuttle came though, no problem. After I was on the shuttle and had announced the airline I was using, I was quite proud. I had made it to an airport 500 miles from my house on my own having had no experience. That certainly feels good. Everything up until now has gone so beautifully. I hope the rest of the trip is so smooth.
Dec 28, 1997
Today's Events:
Arrive in Amsterdam, completing my first flight ever. I changed $8 into gildres, the exchange was roughly 2 gildres per dollar. I decided to buy the first of my gifts for folks back home. I went to the music store hoping to find something I can't find back home. I think I succeeded a Bjork single of Bachelorette. It is for Jeremy. We wait in Amsterdam airport for about four hours to depart. It's now 9:35am in Amsterdam and 3:35am back home. I'm starting to feel the effects of the time change. We'll see how good it gets!




Today's Reflections:
This is definitely fun. I've haven't seen the ground from so high before. It's so great to see how a city stops so sharply at the shoreline, how it seems that every available speck of city ground is alight. Every time I look up from writing, I feel a bit dizzy. Yikes! I should sleep, but I don't want to mess up my sleep patterns in India. Sleeping now certainly will. (3:43 EST) I see that groups are forming quickly. I'm kind of glad to see that I'm not readily a part of them. It should be fun to be a loner. I feel I will not be though.
Dec 29, 1997
Today's Events:
Arrived in Delhi, found our Hotel Ranjit, got rooms. I got the first single, slept. Woke at 7:28am India time. Went to breakfast, had masala dosa, only cost 45 rupees which is only about $1.15. Jason informed me that this was expensive!
9:00am went on "plunge" in Old Delhi. Suzyn, Ruth, Kristy and I. We ventured from the directed path, made whimsical turns and found our way to the Red Mosque which was magnificent and peaceful. Spotted the Red Fort from there and made our way over to it. Rested there, saw a motor cycle crash. Many people rushed to help. Met another group and joined with them to get the Raj Ghat. Rested there. Split again and made our way back to the Ranjit. Met. Had dinner in the coffee shop. Came to my room. Went to bed. Slept at about 8:00pm.
Andi is begged
for a "school pen"
at the
Red Mosque.




 Today's Reflections:
What I was most touched by on my journeys was the closeness of the people in India. This is seen most obviously in the men. One is very affectionate to another male friend. Through touch, walking close together, holding hands, and embracing. This was very nice. Something I'm very conscious of is touch. I keep very close track of which people I can touch, who I can hug, who it is new to touch, and who seems uncomfortable to touch. For me touch is a very deliberate show of closeness, comfort, and affection and I miss that with straight male counterparts and some gay or bi men also.
Another way I observed the closeness was a lack of personal space. Everyone is crowded together. Strangers will approach and touch you, living units and shops are slapped up against one another. There is little unused or open space. People can even be seen on the roofs. This is also a very welcome change.

Dec 30, 1997
Today's Events:
5:00am, rose and packed. Washed socks, showered and brushed teeth. Dressed and wrote in journal. Took a motor rickshaw to the Ashok Yatri Niwas. We got taken, we paid Rs 30 a piece counting a tip. Oh well. He also took us to a tourist info place, which really seems to be the fad here. After checking in, I ventured back out with Elyse, who I met in the hall. We did well at turning people down until we met Ruth and Suzyn who meandered through the streets costing me hundred of rupees. We made our way to an observatory, which I have taken as my sanctuary. It is seemly peace amid city life. The kids here are beautiful and assault on arrival. I gave up my water and an old piece of gum, but no rupees as the pleaded. Their resilience and persistence is amazing and I hope rewarding. I decide when next I come I will bring candy.

Today's Reflections:
There is something that I love in this people. The way they cross their legs, the way they walk, the way they sit so close together, the way they hang cloth on their bones, their kindness, their persistence, their careful pace. I can't see malice nor stir anger. I'm comfortable. I love that they observe not social barriers that we cling to. Perhaps there are other, far worse and unseen, but I am blind.

The group arrives at the Delhi Airport.




Dec 31, 1997
Today's Events:
I rose and had breakfast and left immediately. Most places were not open yet. It was a bit more peaceful. However, most times we were the first customers and people were eager to make a deal. It was very empowering to tell them no, but this grew weaker in the afternoon. We followed some guy to his shops and we bought some candy for the children at the observatory. We made our way to the observatory and found that there were no children there. We sat for a while and watched the people who live there, men who do business waling in circles, men who sweep, and men who gather ground-breaking tools and head off to work. I will try to visit the observatory everyday I can. Tomorrow, I will bring candy again. We made our way back to "tapestry alley" as we call it. I had already decided to buy something. I would bring her down to Rs 500. She started at Rs 1200 and we settled on Rs 650. I was disappointed once we settled and so was the lady selling the one I really wanted starting at Rs 1500. But I had agreed and I would not breech the contract.
In the afternoon, we bargained a rickshaw to Humayan's tomb for Rs 10. When I saw how far it was I decided to pay the original, starting price of Rs 50. Our guy was pretty nice. He asked if he could take us back. We agreed. On the way back he took us to a shop. It was expensive but I wanted the guy to get the commission. He had paid more in gas than we had agreed to pay him.





Jantar Mantar, an Astrological Observatory
Today's Reflections:
Diversity is what really struck me today. I don't know if this is universal throughout India, or just accentuated in Delhi. There seems to be such a range of people here. There is certainly more than an upper, middle and lower class. On the long rickshaw ride back to the hotel, (well, past it and then back to it), we passed so much. The view from the rickshaw is a bit more interesting than walking the street because the people are not usually responding to you. In the same area, you pass the legless man crossing the street on his hands, the school boys dressed in nice sweater vest, beautiful women in beautiful sarees, toddlers running about with no pants, rickshaw drivers of all sorts, families in cars, and men in suits.
Another thing I've started thinking about is a point that Neil brought up. His concern is getting to know people by getting past the consumer relationship. I see a point in this and I wonder how I can do this. I've though that I may go back to "tapestry alley," where at the end there are some people who live on the street. I think I may go sit with them.





A Group of us met up at Humayans tomb.
Jan 1, 1998
Today's Events:
Late morning, Rachel, Kristy, Elyse and I set out for a movie. We located three cinemas inside Connaught Circus. We decided to skip the first and go to the next theatre. The girls met a boy outside. He was speaking to them. They did not blow him off so I figured he had made no request yet. He was genuinely curious. He told us a bit about the movie. We bought our tickets for Rs 40 and just caught the beginning which was, by the way, 30 minutes early. The movie was very strange, but extremely amusing. Definitely worth a buck. When we came out the guy was still there. We spoke again. We told him we were going across the way to a restaurant and he decided to take us all there. We told him we could walk, but he insisted and said he wanted to do it for no charge. I figured maybe he had a car because he was nicely dressed and well kept, but he had a rickshaw. He was really nice and great. I'm not sure he drove the rickshaw for a living though. We ate in an upper class restaurant, well fairly. Some really rich people come in and for a time we were the only westerners there. Lunch was only Rs 340 for all four of us.




A postcard from Dil To Pagal Hai
Today's Reflections:
While watching the movie, I tried to gather some clues about Indian culture, or at least what they were conveying. It was difficult because I feared making a judgement on one film, which was really quite shallow and cheesy in American standards. I fear it would be like judging American culture on the Spice Girls movie. Yikes! The most obvious difference was the movie making itself, that being that they produce musicals, to say the least. Another thing I noticed was that their physical ideals are pretty much the same as ours, that's depressing. It was also not as interesting to see that all the characters were outrageously wealthy. I've not seen anything like what was in the movie. I wanted to see more interesting and real portrayals of Indian life.
The most disturbing thing I saw in the movie, though, was the strong Western influence. One of the main characters was much like Madonna, she walked around with a Dolce and Gabana bag. The lead male wore clothes straight from International Male. This was frightening. It makes me wonder though if it is bad. At first I think that it is okay, but then I feel that I don't want India to change. That is not very good either because, what if the US had remained the same since the 60's? I do wonder, though, how much meshing of cultures is going on as opposed to annihilation of culture.




Jan 2, 1998
bhat manga hai - this is too expensive
kitna paise hai? - how much is it?
Today's Events:
We arrived in Jaipur on the train. Immediately off the train someone approached me with Rs 5 for a rickshaw, I took it. His scam was he wanted to give me a tour for the day. I paid him Rs 10 and made no promises. After unpacking and changing to warm weather clothes, I ventured out on my own. I wanted to visit Jantar Mantar to hopefully feel the same as I did in Delhi. I walked for a long time, but never found it. I tried to use the grid system, but I still got horribly lost. I stumbled into a neighborhood and decided to sit on a curb and eat the sweets I had bought. People stared a lot while passing, though I'd say I got fewer stares that when I was walking. I took only a single picture. I guess I looked pretty pitiful because a couple of children discussed it and decided to bring over a couple of coins, about Rs 15. I was very confused. I told them I did not need it and they left. I sat a while longer and then beckoned a rickshaw. I guess I had walked a long way because he did not even know where the hotel was. He talked himself down from 50 to 35 rupees, but I said I would just keep walking. I walked past someone who ran after me. He said that he knew a lot about Jaipur, blah, blah, blah and he said he would take me for Rs 20 and hour. I took it. He asked me where I wanted to go, I told him somewhere that has really cheap food. I tried to buy him food but he refused. So I had 2 idly sambar for Rs 12. Then he took me to his shop. Which was not really a shop but more a store room. There, I bought something though I figured I would buy nothing the whole day. It was very cheap. Then he took me back. On my way in I met a man my age named Rafeeq. He said he would like to know about America and he would tell me about India. I was interested but late for class so I told him I would come back. After the meeting I went. He invited me for tea. This is something I would never do in America, well yeah I would. He took me to this small dark room behind a tea stall and we sat and talked. I could not see his face. Some of his friends came too. We talked for two hours. He offered to go shopping with me so I could get cheaper prices. He offered to show me the city and explain everything. I felt a little pressured plus I felt bad because I know that they wait for tourist all day and that is their source of income. They must have really bad days. They asked if I had anything to give them to remember me by. I told them no but I could make them bracelets. They wanted the bracelet that I took a long time to make. I told them I would compromise. I left and went right to sleep.


Today's Reflections:
I know I should not let my guard down so much, but I am too careful not to have walls. I want to experience this new culture. I make myself vulnerable, but I figure I can kill them with kindness. I figure the nicer I am the less they will want to hurt me. I realize I put myself in a very scary situation but I chose to ignore my instincts and take a chance. Sitting with Rafeeq and Shoyab and their other friends in the dark and taking their chai was a scary situation, but I was not harmed. However, I do feel I gained a small idea of what it is like to live in India. The two seemed to want something. But hurt me they did not. Thus, by letting down walls I opened myself to an educational experience that I would have otherwise closed out.





Picture taken as I sat in the neighborhood.
Jan 3, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I decided to give Rafeeq a chance. He said he will give me an hour for Rs 20 and take me to five shops. Suzyn chipped in and decided we should let him take us to as many shops as he likes and we split the money he gets. I'm too afraid to negotiate the deal. I had only brought Rs 30 so I did not fear that I could be taken for too much. He took us out a ways to some place. We went up and the price was Rs 10. I did not want to spend it and Suzyn did not trust the guy so we asked to be taken back to the hotel. He said he would take us to two shops. We agreed . We came back and headed out again to find drivers who would go along with our plan. After some mishaps, we found one. He was very cool. His name was Seq. He took us to six shops and played along very well. Suzyn and I got very good at playing the interested shoppers. We bought nothing. We came back and split the money 60/40. I saw him a couple of times later. I like him a lot.
After class, Kristy and I went out to eat. It was interesting. I ate cut, raw vegetables. It was free salad that they gave. I did not want to be rude. So what if I get sick. Then, we walked, looking for those books for journals. We met two guys along the way who again wanted to exchange cultures. I was hesitant. We said we wanted to look. One asked if he could come with us, I agreed. His name was Lala. He showed us a Hindu temple and invited us to come drink milk after our walk. He left us and never asked for anything. It was refreshing. We went by his place after the walk but could not find him. I went back to the hotel and began making bracelets.




Today's Reflections:
Chale - come on
Chalo - Let's go
Rafeeq was convinced that we are rich and he said I should buy gifts for my friends. I tried to explain to that we were not here to buy India, but to experience it. It would not sink in. I wanted to explain to him that money is not everything, but I realized that that may not be true. To us, who live an easy life and have everything we need, money is not everything. But to those who toil from day to day breaking their hands and back just to get food, to improve their life, money can be the only thing. Money may be the only thing that stands between them and being something, between them and their next meal. We had no idea of their strife and we proclaim that money is not everything. I am starting to think that we will probably never get the idea across that we ill not spend, that we are not here to buy India, for we have money and it is cheap for the buying.



Jan 4, 1998
Pagal - crazy
Paneer - cheese
Pakora - fried
Today's Events:
Today I decided I would make it to one of the popular attractions. I ventured out on my own. It was a bit disheartening as everyone seems to gaze unwelcomingly. Several people yelled "hello," and I tried to answer every call. Just at the base of the hill before I began my ascent, a man stopped me and signaled me to sit. We talked a while and he told me that he is an astrologer. This was interesting. Then, I realized that he was trying to get me to pay him to do my horoscope. I thought at least it was original. I asked how long it would take, and he said four or five days. I saw then that it was a lot of work and I would not pay for it. He said he would have it done by Monday evening. I told him I did not want him to work that hard. He showed me some paintings; I bought nothing. I started up. I grew tired quickly. I decided to stop and rest. A man asked me if I was tired. I said yeah and he told me to "come on". I thought it was for some reason, but apparently not. Later, I rested again. A group of men passed and asked for water and I gave it. Then they told me to "come on." I stayed. Later, a man was coming down. He seemed about my age. We talked for an hour. He is a second year student of biology in college. He invited me back to his house. I met his three brothers and his father. With his older brother, I discussed religion. He escorted me back to my hotel for class. We came upon a cricket game in the street. They stopped playing and asked me to hit a ball. I did, they cheered and we were on our way. I said "hello" to so many people. They were so wonderful.
In the evening Suzyn, Jon and I decided to go see the movie that is, "based entirely on sex." I see why they view white women the way they do. In the movie the white man and woman have sex immediately after meeting. The movie was horrible and we left when the guy beside me started puking. We went to dinner and I had chai with Rafeeq and Shoyab. I gave them their bracelets and some of my own. I went to bed afterwards.




Today's Reflections:
I once read that a man will never be trustworthy if you do not trust him. These words I have taken to heart. I have chosen to trust and be hurt and betrayed rather than hurt the person by not trusting them. As of yet I have never been hurt from trusting someone.
I employed these tactics on Rafeeq and Shoyab. I felt their personalities were a bit sketchy and that they were not completely trustworthy, but I decided to trust them fully. I realized too late that it was probably not a good idea to tell them which room I was in, what time class met and how long it lasted, but I did tell them on the first night of knowing them. I decided that if they had evil in them that I would kill them with kindness. Thus, I gave them bracelets, pens, and promised to write. I even passed around my passport knowing that they could easily run off with it. One guy wanted to trade watches. I did not go for that, but I did let Shoyab wear my watch for about 30 minutes. I reminded him before he left to return it. He said he had been betting Rafeeq I would not forget it. I still have all my possessions.

Dinesh and I at his parent's house.
Jan 5, 1998
Today's Events:
I went to the roof of the Bissau and did some writing. I found Ruth and some others who wanted to go to the wholesale textile warehouse, which I had gone to on the first day I was here with the rickshaw driver. We walked for quite a ways. I really did not know where it was, but I figured if we get close enough we could ask someone. We got to an intersection. I was not sure which way to go. We asked someone. He lead us a way, and then we found a rickshaw driver. He said he could take us there. The first place he took us was wrong, the second place was wrong. Angry, I demanded that he take us back o where we started and we would find it on our on. The third place he took us to was it. I got a saree. Later I went with another group and discovered that the intersection at which I was confused was exactly the corner where the warehouse was. I was sick from having to pay a rickshaw driver to take us to where we were.
Oh well. Later, Ruth and I set out again. This time looking for the hand-made books with flowers pressed into the pages. Along the way someone stopped us to ask "one question." This one question turned into an hour conversation, a visit to our class, and later my visit to his house. His name was Happy. He was very interesting. It was the second house that I had visited. On the way back, I was stopped by two more men on a motor cycle who were arguing whether I was Indian or not. They also invited me to their house for tea, but I had to decline in order to go pack.



Today's Reflection:
It's interesting how Indian people have adapted to living in such a small scale. I went to Happy's house and found a one room apartment shared by three men, with 4 fold out chairs, roll out beds, one locked cabinet, and a television in the corner. There was a small cubby hole about three by five feet with a door about two and half feet squared which they used as a kitchen. They stacked pots and pans here and had a portable gas stove. This too seemed to be a rather westernized family. They had to go out for water or to use the toilet. It's amazing how their needs are so different from Americans. I can't imagine three Americans living in a space this small for so long. This also led me to a second realization of a big difference between Indian and Americans . Indians tend to spend a lot of time outside. That's why I see so many people in the street, because that's where they hang out. In America culture, inside is their station. They go to work or wherever and they get inside as soon as possible. They spend much time in their homes, in buildings, etc. Americans are not typically outsiders.





We bring Happy back for a class meeting.
Jan 6, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I awoke and looked for a rickshaw with Jon and Neil. On our way we passed Shoyab and I said goodbye and told him to look me up in American when he comes. We got the rickshaw to the bus station. Several beggars were there and they flocked at the slightest pause. I'm still good at saying "no." I asked Suzyn if her stomach cramps had gone away. They had not. She added that women experience this every month. I felt inclined to complain to no one else unless they asked.
Later, we boarded the bus and sat through a hellish, 5 hour bus ride. Hellish because I felt horrible, it was cramped and I had gotten a headache from not having eaten, but I have no desire to eat. I watched out the window and saw beautiful countryside with people running about as if they were scripted extras in a movie. It's interesting when things turn out that way.
We arrived in Agra. I got a rickshaw to the hotel Siddhartha and went to bed after discovering who my roommate was and which room I was in. I slept until the meeting and then we all had dinner at Neal's expense. After wards and again, I was off to bed; still sick.
Today's Reflections:
I arrived in Agra with cynicism. I'm not sure if it is because I was feeling horrible or not. My hopes fell as we entered Agra and I got the impression that it was just another Jaipur with the Taj Mahal. I really feel disinterested. I was really enjoying Jaipur but this place I had a bad feeling for due to the amount of tourist and "birds of prey." I decided to stay in on the day of arrival. This does not feel like a place for exploration. It seems with the cramps have also come a lack of appetite and a lack of motivation. I hope things improve.



Jan 7, 1998
Today's Events:
I'm still waking early in the morning. I decided today to lay for a while and rest. The cramps still come on schedule, every twenty minutes. Finally, I rise about 9:30am and head for the Taj. It is such a struggle to get out of bed. First, I missed the entrance to the Taj, thinking it could not be so close and I did not know it was enclosed in red sandstone. I ended up walking all the way around it first, which was fine. I went in. In my condition, I was not terribly awed so I sat for a while to gather myself and appreciate. I stopped on one of the benches adjacent to the big marble platform from which everyone takes pictures. I wrote postcards and watched people for about an hour. It was interesting and funny. I'm still amazed at how affectionate the men are. Gaydar would never work here. After writing, I walk up to the marble platform of the Taj and walk around the monument first. Then I go in and am disappointed to see that you can only enter one room. Humayan's tomb was much more fun. I see Suzyn on my way out and we go and sit on the side of the platform adjacent to the river and read about the Taj. People sure do stare. One girl from Andhar, MP named Monica stops and asks me to tell her something about the Taj. I can offer nothing she had not heard, so she asks how I like India and such. She invited me to her house though it is not one of our destinations. It was strange being approached by a woman. We went back afterwards and waited for the meeting to begin. After we went to Zorba the Buddha because, in my unwell state, I crave Western food. It was not quite that. I also bought an emerald ring for my mom, her birthstone.



Today's Reflections:
The biggest downside of my feelings toward Agra is my dislike of the glut of tourists. I think it is the American in me that wants to be unique and different. I don't want to do what all the other tourists do. I would be very happy with coming to India and not seeing the Taj Mahal. I just feel that the tourist are ruining India. They're turning it into one big shop and/or tourist attraction. It seems everything is for sale.
I don't like staying in hotels that are inhabited only by tourists. They attract all the salesmen and rickshaws. I do enjoy looking like an India to some degree, because it helps me be left alone.

The great and over-rated Taj Mahal.



Jan 8, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I was still feeling bad and my motivation was worse. I stayed in bed a long time; until about 1:00pm and then I went down for lunch. I'm still not feeling steady enough to be adventurous, so I ordered tomato soup and a tomato and cheese sandwich. Neil had asked me to accompany him to a stone mason school and I agreed. Several of us waited for nearly an hour, though I was not looking forward to going. Instead Suzyn and I went to the Taj again. This time, I did not even enter the platform. I sat on a bench facing the river. I sat and contemplated there for a while, nothing important really, just thinking. It was pretty peaceful and the river did not look quite as dirty as it did before. We came back for the meeting. We played a bit of chess, I lost and that's about it. I spend the rest of my waking time writing postcards and catching up on some work.
Today's Reflections:
My excitement, energy and interest have been turned into illness, lethargy, and indifference. It becomes increasingly difficult to pull myself from bed. When I do, I only go to sit in the restaurant downstairs. I've taken to eating very modestly. Soups are my haven. Indian food on reflection makes me nauseous. I hate feeling this way and I hope for it to pass soon. I'm missing out.



Jan 9, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I rose. I found that the stomach cramps were still present but much weaker. I knew if I resigned to go the doctor that they would go away just as all my illnesses do. However, now I've developed diarrhea, which is a welcome change from the cramps. I've had diarrhea before at least. I get up and have lunch. I play Jon in a game of chess and lose as usual. Then, we decide to go again to the Taj. This time when the salesmen approach we try to sell them something for a change and they leave us alone immediately. We met some other friends and sat with them a while. By now, the people staring is beginning to annoy me so I decide to take pictures of the people who walk by staring. This just caused a huge circle of children to form around us and wait for their picture to be taken. Later, I was talking to Rachel as two guys came up and asked to take a picture with her. I waggled my head and said "Okay , okay 10 rupees". They took several. I said, "Okay, okay 15 for all four." They knew I was kidding and laughed, and I felt a little better.
Later, we returned to the hotel and had lunch. We waited there for the time to go. Chris and I hopped a rickshaw to the train station. We all waited there for the train. We had several beggars approach us and stay with us the whole time.
Finally, we boarded the train. We all played games, sang songs and made bracelets. It was pleasant until my intestines went into an uproar. I was sure I would die on that train, but some how we made it to the Yatri Niwas. Ah!



Today's Reflections:
The train station was probably the longest period of encounter with beggars. I think I have learned to deal with them well. I just hope it is the best situation.
I don't like to ignore them so my first instinct is to hug them. I don't do this because I'm not sure how it would go over and I can't get over the feeling that their parents are watching and they don't want me touching their child. I always try to look them in the eye and tell them no. If it is children I like to play with them a bit. I try to relate to them as a person, but I never give them the impression that I will give anything. The problem with this whole scheme arose when a child with elephantiasis of the feet came up. He never approached me, but I never made eye contact either. I found that most people in the group could not deal with him. I wonder why this is?




Kids play, oblivious to the Taj Mahal

Jan 10, 1998
Today's Events:
After arriving in New Delhi, my stomach cramps had turned into diarrhea. I did not get much sleep last night because I spent much time on the toilet.
I could not drag myself from bed today. I wanted to go mail postcards and return to Jantar Mantar, but was afraid to go too far from the toilet. I did try. I washed my hair, rested. Brushed my teeth, rested. And tried to put on my shoes but could not.
I ran out of water mid day and nearly resorted to tap water as it ran so cool across my hands. I even dreamed of beautiful water. I finally rose for the meeting. After the meeting, I finally resolved to go around the corner and buy water. I bought two liters and a coke and went back to bed.
Today's Reflections:
This is certainly the tough waves of rhythm the trip follows. I'm self-pitying, homesick, and depressed. I want so much for it all to be new again.





A girl who offered herself as a guide.
Jan 11, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I finally decided to get back on my feet. I packed and made a list of goals. I wanted to find as ATM I could use, find the post office, and make it to the Birla Temple. I had seen a couple of Hindu temples but nothing extravagant. A guy I met on the street in Jaipur, Lala showed me temple just inside the city gate of Jaipur. There was a man in the corner reading and explaining passages from the Vedas. The other temple was the temple of Krishna also in Jaipur where Happy lived. I was surprised to see people living in a temple.
So I headed for Birla Temple. First, I encountered the post office and found that it was closed. I trekked on. I made a wrong turn knowingly and found an ATM that I had passed last time in Delhi. I went there, but it would not take my card. The guy inside did not know English but he showed me on the map where to go. So I gave up on the Birla Temple. I walked down Parliament Street and found another ATM, it did not work. Eventually, I ended up at Jantar Mantar. I was very tired so I went in and rested. No kids approached me this time only a man trying to sell marijuana. It was the first time I had ever been offered marijuana. I returned to the hotel to move my luggage. I stayed there for hours in Neal's room. Later, I went out and found an ATM and got money for the rest of the trip. I just returned to the hotel and waited for the time to depart.
Today's Reflections:
Even though I got out today, things are not back to normal. I have very little energy, probably because I have not eaten.
I've found I've gotten pretty good at avoiding the "birds of prey." I like to quickly change direction when I see the Kashmir emporium guys coming. I'm good at walking out of the range of beckoning rickshaw drivers. I'm not too happy to be back in Delhi though. The constant harassment to buy something or take a rickshaw is really not a pleasant thing to return to when it was less in the two prior cities. Plus, returning to Delhi gives me the feeling that all cities in the India are basically the same. I hope the South is a great change.



Jan 12, 1998
Today's Events:
Today we all lived on the train. It is not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm happy to be in second class, because every time I go to the bathroom I get nauseous and it's nice to return to air conditioning. I don't mind the lack of privacy and it's quiet from what I hear of first class.
The day is miserable though because I feel horrible, I can't eat, and I don't feel like moving. At times, I feel guilty but there is really little more I can do. Even sitting by the window to look out makes me too nauseous from the heat of the sun. I feel like a waste of space and that I'm losing good experiences.
I spend most of the day doing nothing.




Cycle rickshaw's as seen on the street.
Jan 13, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I'm feeling a little better. I get up to look out the window as we approach Bangalore. We pass several brickyards and what appear to be vineyards. We also pass cows that are tied up; this I don't think I have seen before. At the Yelahanka train station, I see several monkeys who interact with people quite casually. I think the interaction between animal and man here is amazing. It seems much more harmonious than in Western Cultures.
Finally, we arrive and all of us jump off. After arriving at the hotel, Jon and I venture out to the post office. That was interesting. Later, I went out on my own to get a CD. The rickshaw driver and I agreed to the meter price. I thought that was fair. He started it, and it began at Rs 7. He took me to a shop. I had a drink and pretended to be interested. Then, he took me to a place to buy instruments. Finally, he understood that I wanted a music store. Before we got there, I told him his meter was not changing. He played with it and said it did not work. . He took me to a mall. I made my purchase and we returned. I gave him Rs 20. He was very disappointed. I told him his meter said Rs 7. He said it was broken, but I reminded him that that's what we agreed to and walked off.
Later, I was feeling much better and decided to spend a Western evening. I wen to a cyber café and emailed, I went to Wimpy's and later found a disco that was deserted. Instead, I went to a bar and watched a talent competition. I played a vicious roulette though. I ordered apple juice, which was chunks of apples and water put through a blender. I returned to the hotel and had a glorious shower. I love Bangalore.



Today's Reflections:
Lately, I have been feeling a longing for American Culture. I feel a bit guilty, but then I wonder why. I came with the impression that Indian Culture is so much better than American Culture. What kind of assertion is that? Obviously, both have their negative points and wonderful positive points, but they cannot be compared. Admitted, I came to India to get a sense of the culture, but I don't think a western evening or two or a longing for my own culture is diluting that. I'm mature enough to realize that a whole experience should not be shaped by one bad incident here and there. When foreigners are in America and they miss their own home cooking, we don't look at them as weak or too in favor of their own culture.




Indian countryside taken from a train.
Jan 14, 1998
Today's Events:
Today we departed from Bangalore. Jason and I took a rickshaw to the train station. I bought tickets for the 2:25 train to Mysore and we boarded and met others. We waited for a while before the train left. I'm feeling better but still having trouble eating. The train ride was fairly pleasant, about two and a half hours. We passed many rice patties and children running, untouched country side, and huge rocks which rose from nowhere. We arrived and made it to the hotel where I stayed until the meeting.
After the meeting, I was sore and week. I figured it was a lack of food. After a nap I went out to eat. Eating was very difficult. I was not hungry and I could not swallow, but I did not want to waste the food. I forced myself to eat, but every bite and every thought forced a gag. Finally, I could not resist and my entire meal filled my mouth, but I clamped my mouth shut with my hands. Being alone and seeing no escape, I forced it back down my throat. Nervously, I tried to eat more. The man came to serve me more and I told him I was finished. I felt horrible but I had to leave. Not a good evening.
Today's Reflections:
I guess I know how to buy train tickets in India. It's certainly not like calling up Amtrak and doing everything over the phone. I did okay, though it took a little probing. I went into general inquiry first. He pointed me in a vague direction. When I found the ticket booth and got in line, I realized that A-G are sleeper class ticket windows. I thought there were no other windows but I did find H at the end. When the lady at the window proceeded to carry out the transaction I was so relieved and proud.




Jan 15, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I decided to check out shopping in Mysore. I went alone. I walked for a while. I already notice a difference in Mysore. People don't stare as much, rickshaws don't stop and try to pick me up, very few beggars, common to see random walking salesmen, and I can stop in a store front and look in peace, and when I walk into a store, no one starts taking stuff out to show me. I always feel bad for them when they do that. I went into a wood carving shop. The owner greeted me and said nothing more. I asked to see stuff and he answered my questions. It was so comfortable and nice. I bought a rosewood Buddha for Suzyn and an intricately carved box for Meredith. Later, I decided to stop into a music store to what I could find. I asked for Dil To Pagal Hai, but they did not have it on CD, and it was expensive anyway so I bought Thiruda Thiruda, which is apparently another movie, and AR Rahman, remixed. Both were only $9.21, that's awesome. I look forward to hearing them for the first time. After the meeting, I went to see the perfume man and then went out to eat with Rachel, Elyse, Suzyn, Kristy and Jill at the rice bowl. Still not in the mood for Indian food. I ordered a Spring Roll which was delicious. It seems I can eat again.
Today's Reflections:
In interacting and living with Jon, who values his immaturity and reflecting on my friend Jeremy who also enjoys immaturity and shuns maturity, I figured out why I appreciate maturity so. The truth, I believe, is that they both misunderstand maturity. They see it as a stolid life, void of fun and frolic and impulsiveness. Immaturity they feel is all these things, (fun, frolic, and impulsiveness), plus unaccountability. I've found that Jeremy really is mature and Jon really is immature. I think the two greatest characteristics of maturity are accountability and consideration, both of which Jon lacks. A sense of maturity is not void of all good stuff, it only adds responsibilities that require you to look past yourself and see yourself as a part of the world, not the center of it.



Jan 16, 1998
Today's Events:
I set out to see the Mysore Palace. I had discovered the other day that you had to walk all the way around to the South gate. The heat in Mysore is pretty intense, I look forward to swimming in Mahabalipuram. I entered the shopping area and bought a small wooden box for my mother's ring. I don't think I bargain anymore. It's lost its novelty, besides the prices so far are not so bad. I pay to go inside the palace gate and approach the palace. I took off my shoes and put them in my backpack. I tried to go in, but they would not allow me in with my shoes or my camera, so I just decided to walk around outside and examine things. The temples were magnificently carved and the ceilings inside had such beautiful paintings. A guard stopped me and asked me if I wanted to take a picture of him, I had not planned on taking pictures, but I did. Then he asked me if I wanted one with me and him. I agreed as well. The he asked, "Any tips?" I had only Rs 35 so I told him no. Then he asked for school pens for his children. Unfortunately I only had one. I told him I only had chocolate, and he accepted the offer. I picked out two of my best pieces and handed it to him. He looked at it and said, "cow milk" and gave it to the man standing next to him. Oh well. I walked on. I looked around, where most tourist don't look. I started down a path where cows were feeding. This led me to a shaded area where nested several religious buildings and shrines. I came upon a man sleeping and sneaked past him to find a place where I wrote until two monkeys in the tree scared me away. That night I saw Dil To Pagal Hai with Suzyn who has no attention span.

The picture I took with the guard.


Today's Reflections:
Sitting on a stoop in a corner inside the palace walls in the shade. This is a place in which few tourists stand. A man and his bike nap over there in the shade and calm of this place. I entered so gingerly he did not detect.
As I sit in the shade of the same tree, listening to the chirping birds and the toots and beeps and honks of the cars and rickshaws passing not too far away, it is now that I get the feeling that this is a land where a man could be lost. Where if he sits still and quiet enough, the Earth will begin to speak to him and he will become a fixture which tourist may never look twice at.
Here, I feel so small. A speck of dust in time, which keeps moving on unstirred by me. Here, I could be forgotten by even myself.





The Place where I sat and wrote this entry.
Jan 17, 1998
Today's Events:
This morning I went to change money at a film store with Andi. Very bad rate and she was man handled. It would seem this behavior would be curbed in my presence but apparently not. I really want to show these men that this is not acceptable behavior. Afterwards we went to eat. I had my first Indian food since I got sick. I started over with a masala dosa. I did not like as much I originally did. Then, we went to change Andi's money at a bank. The process was unbelievably bureaucratic. First she waited in line at the foreign exchange window. They sent her to another building where a man took the dollars, recorded the serial numbers and gave her a receipt and a metal disc with a number on it. Then he passed her passport to another man who was to okay the transaction. After that we return downstairs to the foreign exchange window. She hands him just the disc and already he knows how much to give her.
Next, we return to the perfume man where I buy more gifts. We meet several others here. Afterwards we return to the Ritz and have lunch. My appetite is back in full force now.
In the evening, I am exhausted and return to my room to watch a movie with Jon. Afterwards, I give Rachel a massage for Rs 40 and then the three of us go out to eat. My third meal today. After dinner I just returned to my room.
Today's Reflections:
I've been thinking a lot lately about whether or not English should be the national language of India. I think it should but I've also had some spin-off thoughts. I was wondering if it were overbearing of me being an English speaker to feel this way. I think not. I think that Indians should learn at least a second language. And the most useful second language for them as a whole would be English. Likewise, I think all Americans should learn a second language (or more) and the most useful would be Spanish. And, I'm not even hypocritical because I'm already bilingual. Moral dilemma solved!



Jan 18, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, we leave Mysore. I did little before leaving except packing, eating and waiting. Jon had gotten a deal for us to keep our room until 1:30pm, but we left at 1:00pm to catch the 2:10pm train. Neil D. and I went together. The train was already there so we got right on at about 1:18pm. We still had eight hours until we arrived in Madras. The train was so cold. Much of the view, while it was daylight, was the same stuff we passed to Mysore from Bangalore. The rest was not much new.
We arrived in Madras about 20 minutes later. I had set out to get a rickshaw for meter, but failed. No one would agree to meter, and no one would bargain. This sucks. I ended up sharing with Ruth and Jill when it looked like I may be walking. I paid Rs 20. After much explanation, excitement, and fear we arrived at Chandra Towers, which was very cool. Soon after arriving, I ventured out with Larisa to an ATM. We came back and hung out in Kristy and Suzyn's room for a while. It was pleasant. It was novel getting along with Larisa. I left about 1:00am but did not fall asleep until well after 3:00am.
Today's Reflections:
Even though I'm not perfectly back to health and I realize I won't be, I'm feeling so much better. And what's more, my energy and excitement are back in full swing. I'm totally ready to see Madras even though I have to wait. More than that, I'm so ready to see Sai, my little brother. I love and miss him so much and I feel that my travels through India have helped me to understand him so much more.
So I don't know if it's Madras, Sai, a new rhythm, or those two coffees I had on the train, but I'm ready to go!



Jan 19, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I got up and decided what I would need for a week at the beach. About the time I was ready, it was time to go. At 10:00am, we all, except Andi and Jon hopped in a bus and headed for Mamallapuram. The bus ride was wonderful. The drive through Madras was exhilarating, (I can't wait to see Sai.), and the ride along the coast was equally exciting because I saw the ocean and there was no development. If there's anything I can claim to worship, it is the wonderful water that gives life to everything and is more reliable than any god. So arriving at the beach was truly spiritual. We ate immediately and I went to my room to wait the proverbial hour. Finally about 2:30pm, after spf 50ing it, I hit the beach and stayed there for two hours. After the meeting Neil D. and I went out to dinner at some beach side restaurant. We got a table right beside the sewage drain., a table that would not exist in the US. I ordered fish and chips and banana yagurt. We had an interesting conversation on travel. After dinner we decided to go back through the town as we had come by beach. We met others and walked back with them. On the way we stopped at the Temple Bay Beach Resort and checked to see fi the two missing ones had shown up. They had and had been sent in the right direction. They are home at last.
Today's Reflections:
In our discussion of travel, we dealt with my question. "What is the benefit of travel?" I fear that I made it too broad and frankly in my utilitarian manner, I meant what is the use of travel. What value has it that is gained personally. My own answer was that the use of travel was to discover human nature. That by traveling one can breakdown what is culture and society of a region and what is universally human nature. But I recognized that this would take a great deal of travel to accomplish. So I ask myself, what do I get from my travel, but comparisons between India and America, because I have nothing more to go on. Neil suggests that one increase his tolerance and perspective by travel. Tolerance, not necessarily, and perspective perhaps. He also suggests it provides a break in the rhythm of our lives, which is true. But, where's the utility in that?
I suppose after some thought, the best use of travel is a gaining of understanding. This makes my life a little easier when I understand my little brother Sai a little better, when I understand the basis of Hinduism, when I meet an Indian later in life and I must communicate with him for something that I need. This is my valuable aspect of travel.




Jan 20, 1998
Today's Events:
Today was very relaxing. I stayed in bed until 12:00pm, when I decided I should walk to town to change money. I walked along the road instead of the beach. At first it was terrible hot, but soon the breeze and thoughts of swimming later cooled me. The walk was not too long and the exchange was not too arduous. I stopped only to buy a bottle of water and then I returned via the beach. Only one salesman approached me on the beach, and he stopped with a simple, "no thank you." When I got back, I caked on spf 50 and headed for the ocean. The swim was nice. At one point, I swam to a depth at which I could not reach the bottom and I saw a whole school of fish jump from the water just 10 feet away. After meeting a crab in the water, I decided I had met enough ocean life and headed for the pool to relax. It was calming and meditative. I finished the afternoon with a soothing, cold shower and a hammock ride. Afterwards, I got Jon for dinner where we played a game of chess. I lost as usual. The rest of the night I spent writing my paper and my journal. Good night.
Today's Reflections:
You really get some sense of Indian time here at the beach. For example, at times it takes an hour and a half to get money exchanged. Not only that, you see Indians come in for normal transactions and they stay there for thirty minutes or an hour. It's really phenomenal, but not to Indians, I suppose. I've thought about it and I think that I can understand perhaps why Indians see things the way they do. Perhaps it is because of Hinduism. While in America, we rush through everything so that we can get ahead and get something better in life, in India, there is no such opportunity for upward mobility. So, there is no rush to get things done because enjoyment comes from savoring what you have, not wanting something else. Furthermore, with their belief in rebirth, they can only go so far in one life. In America, we see things on one plane and that we have only one life to accomplish everything. Of course we will rush.



Jan 21, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I rose for sunrise. I missed the beginning but caught it from 6:30 on. It was cool to think that I could see the sun before my friends back home can. Exuberated after the sunrise I decided to change and go for a swim in the ocean. When I came out a boy was waiting to sell me something. I figured I might as well. I need a couple of gifts more. I bought two necklaces and a ganesh carving. One necklace was red marble. I will give the soap stone necklace and the ganesh along with its meaning to Jeremy. Now, I must get something for my dad and Lyn Thompson. Afterwards I went swimming in the pool until 10:00am. I napped during the evil sun hours and then set out for town. I walked looking for the specific shop where I bought water yesterday, but I missed it. Too foolish to turn back, I ended up at a pair of partially carved stones on the outside of town standing like a gate, but to nothing. I climbed up on one and lay for a while in the shade. I could see the lighthouse in the distance. That's where I was supposed to be. After resting, I walked to the mandapas and what I surmised from what I've read to be the five rathas. Next, I made it over to the shore temple, where I sat on the boulders by the sea and watched the water crash. Then I began to make my way back to the hotel, but I met Larisa, Ruth, Jill, Rachel and Kristy and I had dinner with them. On our way back we met Jon and Suzyn and we all walked back together.





Sunrise over the Indian Ocean

Jan 22, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I woke up at 9:00am and started writing in my journal until Larisa and Andi knocked at my door. I had told Larisa if it was possible to charge the hammock chairs on my credit card, then I could buy her two and she could pay me back . We walked to town and Andi got money changed. Then we headed in the direction of the hammock chairs and stopped at a few places along the way. We found that no one would take Visa. However, that night before, after the restaurant a guy stopped us and asked if we wanted to buy a hammock. I had no money and no credit card at the time, but I asked if he took credit and he said he took anything. He said we could meet him in the same place tomorrow if we went back to the restaurant, and we never found him. I did end up buying another tapestry that was cheap and a paper mache frame. I also charged a Rs 600 box for Larisa., since we could not get the chairs. After our purchases we hired a rickshaw to bring us back. We got back and I napped until 5:30 and found that the meeting was cancelled. I sat and wrote in my journal until it was too dark to read and then I sat with Jon and swung him in the hammock. Later we had dinner and a game of chess. Afterwards we went swimming with Rachel and Kristy.
Today's Reflections:
Today in the shop with Larisa and Andi, I realized how we have gained respect for the shopkeepers in some places. We really liked this guy because he was not pushy and his prices were very good. I did not realize how much we appreciated him until some people from Switzerland come in. One of the guys was being very obnoxious. He did not trust the man. He would not accept any price. He made annoying comments. But now I realize that we were the very same way when we arrived. I wonder why we've changed and they haven't.



Jan 23, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I rose and began working in my journal. The task for today was to find a way from Mamallapuram to Madras. I did not want to take the bus, because I thought it meant walking with my bag to town to get the bus. I asked around to find if anyone what taking a car and Rachel, Larisa, Kristy and I formed a team. Later, Neil added himself to the list. At 12:30 we were off. We got the car for Rs 450. The ride was not too frightening or long, but it was certainly hot. We arrived at the hotel and got our rooms and I went right to bed, exhausted from the heat. I awoke late for the meeting and went to the meeting. Later, after having money exchanged at the hotel, I had dinner by myself. It was delicious. Hot and sour soup and chicken fried noodles. After dinner, I just watched some TV and later hung out at Fern's and Elyse's. Later, I took a nice long bath and went to bed. Tomorrow, I will see Madras.
Today's Reflections:
I think I like riding through the streets in a rickshaw or a taxi because you get a small taste of the society without people reacting to you. Most of the times if you are riding through the streets on a vehicle people don't look at you. You get to see the react and interact with one another as they normally would. You get to see the little boy running through a field to some unknown destination. You get to see the older school boy throw his arm around the shoulder of another. You get to see the two girls in uniform as one bows her head close to the other's ear to whisper something. You get to see the two men who yell in argument with their fist hammering the air, and another man who professes in what seems like anger, hammering the air with his fist as well, but you realize that he is not mad. These little scenes are beautiful and much easier to catch when racing through the streets.




Jan 24, 1998
Today's Events:
Today Rachel and Kristy woke me up. They were sent by Larisa. We were supposed to go out today. By the tie I was ready, Kristy decided she did not feel good enough to go out. Larisa came and she and I started out with breakfast. We had missed the buffet so Larisa was in a bitchy mood for the rest of the day. Her goal was to get a photo of a fire truck. Mine was to find an art gallery and go to Anna Salai for some light shopping. The first place we headed was the fire station down lakshmipathy. They would not allow Larisa to take a photo. Then we went to the art gallery, which according to my guidebook was free. We went in with no problem. We looked around, as an eager man would run up to us sometimes to turn off the light over the painting to show us that it was gold. After showing the last painting, he asked for a tip and was denied. While we were there a large group of Indians who seemed to be students, near our age, came through. They stopped at nothing and did the walk around in all of 45 seconds. I found that strange. Next, we stumbled through the slums and got lost, but finally crossed the Cuoom River and made our way to Anna Salai. I wanted to go to Poompuhar, which specialized in bronze to buy Lyn Thompson a dancing Shiva for his collection. I found it for Rs 90. Rachel was in search of silk so we followed this guy to his shop and looked around there. I found matching silver boxes for my aunts and a silk handkerchief for one of them. We ate again at this chain called Dasaprakesh who is famous for their ice cream, which they make in the restaurant. It was very nice, but very expensive. What about $3.50 for my meal and ice cream? Later Sai came to pick us up for dinner at his house. It was strange seeing Sai in India, in his own environment. He seemed a lot more competent. Also, I had not realized how fortunate he is in India. I had no idea of the status involved in being a Brahman in India.
It was also interesting to see Sai in a situation in which the roles are reversed and he is the native and not the foreigner. I think this and my travels in India have helped me understand Sai better and his transition more. I'm not so sure I could handle such a drastic culture change knowing not when I should return home.
Dinner was very nice, vada, iddly, rice, all with sambarm, chai and sweets. I was amazed that they serve the same foods in the house as you find at every restaurant, cooked the very same way.




Me and Rachel at Art Gallery

Jan 25, 1998
Today's Events:
It took me a little while to determine that it was the phone ringing at 4:59am o wake me. Somehow in my slumber I did though. I halfway woke up and turned on my light. In on hour I would leave for the train station. A few minutes past and a know on the door. It was Elyse asking me to carry one of Fern's bags. I took it an watched TV to wake up. As I was about to leave the phone rang with a second wake up call. After that, I piled on the luggage and went downstairs to turn in my key. I sat down for a couple of minutes, had some water and headed out at 5:50am. I could not get the rickshaw driver to agree to meter, but I talked him down to Rs 20. I went into the train station and found no board listing for the tracks so I waited 20 minutes for the announcement. It said track seven, so I went and waited. As soon as the train pulled in Jason and Neal appeared. Neal then told me for the first time that he had written my seat number on my paper. Not knowing what the odd orange number was I did not properly commit it to memory and I almost got the wrong seat until Fern gave me the ticket. I was in the top bunk again, but this time there was not room to sit up. I slept for the first few hours. I lay up in my bunk for the rest of the day as the people below me slept. I made a bracelet. I had part of my dinner. The lights were turned off at 9:00pm and I tried to sleep as I comforted myself with the though that this was my last overnight train in India.
Today's Reflections:
On the train, I really got to see what joy Indians take in child rearing. It was amazing how much more time they put in, how much more attention they give and how much more freedom they allow their children than westerners. Both parents take so much care of the children and show affection quite deliberately. And when they let their children yell and run up and down the aisle freely it is as if the have fresh in their minds what it's like to be a curious, energetic child. It is sad that we forget so quickly.
I think my image of treatment of children here has changed. When I was here for the first couple of weeks I saw parents as controlling and overbearing, but now I see them as much more wise and properly protective.



Jan 26, 1998
Today's Events:
Today, I woke up later than I thought I would. It was about 4:51am the first time and 7:00am when I became fully alert. I was not completely sure when we were supposed to arrive, so I packed immediately and as soon as possible got down and sat with the girls. We arrived and I went to find Neal since I knew we would all be riding together, but he waved me away before I received any information. I followed Jason in search of the bus. We found none. We returned to the group and Jason went out again and returned with the bus. We all piled on and rode for a long while to the West End Hotel. Our rooms took a little while to be ready, but soon enough I went up to my last hotel room in India!
I worked for a while on my journal, then, I decided I would go finish my shopping and bring some closure to my experience. At this point, I'm just tired of new places and all that that entails. So I headed out. I studied the map before leaving and though I had it all figured out. But after a while, I realized I was going in the wrong direction. I walked until I hit water and turned right. Funny, how on a peninsula you cannot use water to orient you. I thought I was heading South, but later figured I would stop and eat in a restaurant and look at the map to get my bearings, but I never stopped. I finally reached a point where I could get off the road I was on. I walked until I felt completely unfamiliar with the area and talked myself into taking a cab back to the hotel. I rested some and later went to the meeting. I went to eat by myself immediately after and then I wound down the night in my room and Andi's room.



Today's Reflections:
Arriving in Mumbai was kind of a let down. I think that I was preparing myself for another New York, some feeling of home, but as we pulled in on the train, I got the sense that it was just like every other Indian city. There's such a diversity of people, but the feeling I get from each city is the same.
However, getting on the bus and riding to the hotel, I really got a sense there was something different here. I really like a big city feeling. It was still Uniquely Indian though. For example, on my walk, I thought, "gee this is really a progressive city, no shit on the sidewalk, no cows in the street." I'm not sure about the shit, but on my cab ride back to the hotel, I saw my first cow in Mumbai. Ah India!
On my walk through, I felt very insecure. I knew it was India still, but the big city aspect, I think, fueled my fear. This is the only place in India where I really felt unsafe, walking alone. As it turned out though, nothing happened. I think there are still so many aspects of my personality and my make up that I just cannot shed. I wonder how much I've really been changed here. I don't feel differently. I don't think I do things differently. I wonder.






One of the yellow street cows of India.
Jan 27, 1998
Today's Events:
Today I woke up when I heard Jon getting up. It was 8:00am. I would wait a little longer to go to breakfast. At 8:30 I got up. Sleepy, I stumbled down to the restaurant. I was not at all hungry or feeling very well. I tried to eat but it was difficult. What I wanted most was water, which came reluctantly. I can't wait to drink freely again. Andi and I had plans to go see Dil To Pagal Hai in the morning. We headed over after breakfast to find out the movie did not start until 2:20pm. Tickets were just on sale from 10:00-2:00. Andi and Neil bought their tickets, but I decided to wait since I planned on going to the Emporium and I did not know when I would return. However, after buying tickets, they decided to go to the Emporium too, so I led the way. Shopping was not easy, and prices were not as cheap as I had hoped. I could not find anything for my dad. Finally I decided on a few cheap things. We all decided to take a Taxi back. We hung out until time to see the movie and I ran back down to see the upper stall sold out. Oh well. I told them and they went without me. After the meeting, Andi offered to buy me dinner. She, Jon, Neil and I went out. We had Thali meal and sodas so cold they were partially frozen. I was so excited about the soda, the meal was a different story. I had gotten sick on Thali before and had a very hard time eating it. I had about half. I did not get sick this time though.
After dinner, I took a shower and washed my shirt. My shirt was so dirty. After the shower, I lay and thought a while in the partitioned part of the room. I tried to go bed after a while, but ended up not sleeping until about 4:00am. Hmmm, maybe I'm getting back to US time.
Today's Reflections:
I don't feel like looking at sights anymore. I don't know if it's detachment.




Ruth at sunset on the Arabian Sea
Jan 28, 1998
Today's Reflections:
As soon as we stepped out of the hotel this morning, I felt so apart from India, so American. I guess somehow I had shut down the Indian zest in me, but I don't know why.
My emotion changed when we saw the photo-exhibit. I felt closer to India than I had felt the whole time. I'm not sure why. The photos were very powerful. Somehow they brought back the humanness of every person I had seen. Every salesman, every beggar, every person I passes in a rickshaw had seemed like more of a person now, and somehow I felt interconnected. I felt sad for not embracing everyone, getting to know everyone. I almost began to cry at the exhibit.
This mood stayed the rest of the night. While there was a deep seated excitement that we were leaving, there was also a sadness as one would expect.
I'm still not sure if I've changed, but I'm starting to lean towards the positive side. I don't know!!!




My favorite kid. This boy put his head on my shoulder and touched my heart.